[ . . . well. he smiles a little at the explanation if only because - ] A little bit, actually. Sometimes I don't know where I am, or I feel like I'm somewhere else.
I think it's because I'm not really sure if I exist.
[ oh... that hand of his that she's holding onto, she brings up to rest against her own cheek. pressing against it so he can feel her, the warmth that she has to share. ]
You do exist. I can feel you.. and, you can feel me too, right? You're here.. with me. We're both here. [ it's soft, gentle assurance. ]
[he smiles at that, brushing his thumb against her cheek and nodding along easily]
That's right. We're both here. I know that, for now.
[ . . . ]
You know Mete-chan, that the sword Buzen Gou isn't actually something that people have found? At least in my world, my history. [his other hand will go to rest at the sword at his hip] This might be me... I think it has to be - but I don't know for sure. Because what exists of me is only words and artwork... but nothing solid.
There are some sword spirits that are born out of myth, and legacy. If their stories are strong enough, then they get to have spirits. But... I'm not sure if that's me or not. I don't have a legacy, or any strong masters to have my ties to.
One day my mission will be over, and this body is going to disappear - and then... I wonder if there'll be much to prove I was ever here at all.
[ she grows quiet as he talks, wings fluttering a little as she listens closely to his words. her head tilting only the slightest and lowers it to glance to the sword again. it is not a sword she has seen before. most weapons are... well, only really calls for caution. ]
It must be.. something, though. You're still here. I know. [ whether it's a myth, legacy, or some story, he is most definitely here! ]
I don't.. want you to disappear. [ it is sad to think about. that someone can just cease... to exist. it happens, whether someone dies or other means but.. ] I will.. tell everyone about you! Back home, too! I can share... stories about you.
[ . . . that's sweet. he immediately goes to pat her head then when she offers, tilting his head at her.]
... well, to me, I think that as long as someone remembers you, then you exist. [even if you don't leave anything behind, not even a footprint or a whisper] So... to me, that helps.
I wouldn't be able to keep going if I didn't believe that.
[the absolute definition of an existential crisis - if your life has, or ever had, any meaning to begin with. even buzen wouldn't be able to keep going under that weight, if he didn't figure out how to manage his emotions]
So I think... that would help, Mete-chan. Just keep me in your heart, okay? Then I'll never truly be gone.
I'll always keep you.. here. [ rests one hand against her chest, right over her heart. ] It's a promise!
I could never forget someone like you, Buzen.
[ existential crisis... :( ] Before, when I said that Hermes is often in a dark place... it's why he created my sisters and I. He feels like he's alone... that he's the only one in such pain. But.. there are others who feel that way too.
Even so, he wants to find an answer... a meaning to life. What it is.. that others live for. [ she grows quiet, worried gaze peering back at Buzen. ] I want.. to protect him. I don't want to give him an answer.. that could hurt him, that can crush everything he.. believes in. Because of it, I'm.. a bit afraid to go back home. I'm afraid of my sisters reporting their.. findings to him.
[ buzen's questioning of his existence, hermes' questioning of life, hewwo? her faves? how does she protect them ]
[his expression is so fond and soft - well, if meteion remembers him, then that's good. then he can feel like he will certainly exist for a while longer still, and with someone that he cares for so dearly.
when she explains more about hermes, buzen's expression turns a bit more thoughtful, considering. what is it that others live for? buzen often feels that sometimes a reason to live is also a reason to die for - but he's not sure if expressing that to meteion will help her thoughts at all]
... what are their findings? Do you think... that it'd be something that he'd have a hard time accepting?
[ when it concerns their findings, she grows quiet. it's a.. very loaded question, if because... ]
I... cannot give the details. Only they would be able to, report them directly, and I'm... I'm not able to connect with them right now. This place... with our abilities, it's blocking me from being able to.
All I know is... all I know is it will crush him. What they found, I.. want to keep from him. It's bad, I know. But he... he can't know.
[ she timidly looks down. ] I don't think... Emet-Selch remembers that. Before I came here, they were trying to find me. But he didn't... seem mad? When I saw him here.
[ . . . he can't know, huh. buzen is thoughtful about that even as he holds onto meteion. is it alright to want to keep someone in the dark? it reminds him of - ]
.... seems like you and Emet-san might remember different things, huh? If the two of you are from the same place... Maybe you can talk to him about it?
[he pauses]
Sometimes... things might seem like they can crush someone, Mete-chan - but I also think that there are things in life we have to face if we want to get stronger. And it'll be hard, and sometimes... someone might cry a lot, or scream in anguish. It'd be hard for you too, right? To feel that emotion...
But I also wonder if - sometimes that's necessary. And it's better to be with someone through that pain, and to share it with them instead of letting them go through it alone... or never face their demons at all.
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no subject
I think it's because I'm not really sure if I exist.
no subject
You do exist. I can feel you.. and, you can feel me too, right? You're here.. with me. We're both here. [ it's soft, gentle assurance. ]
no subject
That's right. We're both here. I know that, for now.
[ . . . ]
You know Mete-chan, that the sword Buzen Gou isn't actually something that people have found? At least in my world, my history. [his other hand will go to rest at the sword at his hip] This might be me... I think it has to be - but I don't know for sure. Because what exists of me is only words and artwork... but nothing solid.
There are some sword spirits that are born out of myth, and legacy. If their stories are strong enough, then they get to have spirits. But... I'm not sure if that's me or not. I don't have a legacy, or any strong masters to have my ties to.
One day my mission will be over, and this body is going to disappear - and then... I wonder if there'll be much to prove I was ever here at all.
no subject
It must be.. something, though. You're still here. I know. [ whether it's a myth, legacy, or some story, he is most definitely here! ]
I don't.. want you to disappear. [ it is sad to think about. that someone can just cease... to exist. it happens, whether someone dies or other means but.. ] I will.. tell everyone about you! Back home, too! I can share... stories about you.
Will... will that help?
[ 'is there anything that I can do?' ]
no subject
... well, to me, I think that as long as someone remembers you, then you exist. [even if you don't leave anything behind, not even a footprint or a whisper] So... to me, that helps.
I wouldn't be able to keep going if I didn't believe that.
[the absolute definition of an existential crisis - if your life has, or ever had, any meaning to begin with. even buzen wouldn't be able to keep going under that weight, if he didn't figure out how to manage his emotions]
So I think... that would help, Mete-chan. Just keep me in your heart, okay? Then I'll never truly be gone.
no subject
I could never forget someone like you, Buzen.
[ existential crisis... :( ] Before, when I said that Hermes is often in a dark place... it's why he created my sisters and I. He feels like he's alone... that he's the only one in such pain. But.. there are others who feel that way too.
Even so, he wants to find an answer... a meaning to life. What it is.. that others live for. [ she grows quiet, worried gaze peering back at Buzen. ] I want.. to protect him. I don't want to give him an answer.. that could hurt him, that can crush everything he.. believes in. Because of it, I'm.. a bit afraid to go back home. I'm afraid of my sisters reporting their.. findings to him.
[ buzen's questioning of his existence, hermes' questioning of life, hewwo? her faves? how does she protect them ]
no subject
when she explains more about hermes, buzen's expression turns a bit more thoughtful, considering. what is it that others live for? buzen often feels that sometimes a reason to live is also a reason to die for - but he's not sure if expressing that to meteion will help her thoughts at all]
... what are their findings? Do you think... that it'd be something that he'd have a hard time accepting?
no subject
I... cannot give the details. Only they would be able to, report them directly, and I'm... I'm not able to connect with them right now. This place... with our abilities, it's blocking me from being able to.
All I know is... all I know is it will crush him. What they found, I.. want to keep from him. It's bad, I know. But he... he can't know.
[ she timidly looks down. ] I don't think... Emet-Selch remembers that. Before I came here, they were trying to find me. But he didn't... seem mad? When I saw him here.
no subject
.... seems like you and Emet-san might remember different things, huh? If the two of you are from the same place... Maybe you can talk to him about it?
[he pauses]
Sometimes... things might seem like they can crush someone, Mete-chan - but I also think that there are things in life we have to face if we want to get stronger. And it'll be hard, and sometimes... someone might cry a lot, or scream in anguish. It'd be hard for you too, right? To feel that emotion...
But I also wonder if - sometimes that's necessary. And it's better to be with someone through that pain, and to share it with them instead of letting them go through it alone... or never face their demons at all.